Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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