Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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