it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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