You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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