After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
