Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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