I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
