I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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