In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
