Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
