1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
