the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
