if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
