if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
