im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
