sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
