i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
