spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
