My first STD was from a foam party
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
