If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
