I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
