and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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