i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
