maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
