On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
