Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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