I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
