TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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