I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if only i could text you this smell
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
