How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
