uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize