As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
