Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
