he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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