I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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