p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
