I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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