I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
