You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
