I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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