He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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