he shaved USA in his pubs
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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