i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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