I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
