Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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