then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
