he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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