Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
