She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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