I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
operation have a gay friend backfired
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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