i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
