You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
