Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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