i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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