real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
