He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
