Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
