I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
