There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Couch. On fire.
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