i permit you to call me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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