Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
