no you cant smoke seaweed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize