Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
