My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
