Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
