covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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