don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
