I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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